Wherever secrets live, intimacy dies. Wherever intimacy lives, secrets die. Vow #4 says we promise to confide in our spouse, and not hide from him or her. It’s a call to wide-open communication and it means we’ll love our spouse with an authentic and transparent intimacy. Here are a few thoughts to help you create an environment that encourages this kind of exchange.
A Secret-Free Marriage
Ignorance really isn’t bliss when it comes to marriage. Secrets between a husband and wife build a wall of guilt and shame right down the middle of your relationship. Take this opportunity to tear down that wall—commit to a secret-free marriage. Are you hiding anything from your spouse…spending, health issues, an emotional affair? Start down the path to emotional intimacy:
1. Confess any secret sins or shame.
2. Receive any confessions with grace.
3. Pray together.
4. Commit to the healing journey together.
Carving Out Time
Is your schedule so compressed that there’s barely time to figure out who’s going to drop what kid off where? It’s hard to establish emotional intimacy without physical proximity. Marriages need margin—unstructured and uninterrupted time to communicate. When do you and your spouse talk about things beyond the surface level? If you find you don’t have that recurring time, figure out a way to make it happen. Whether you schedule a regular date night, meet for lunch every week, or just take time on the couch together after the house is quiet, find the space that allows you to confide in each other.
Moving Forward
We hope God has used this series to reveal new insights into your marriage and practical ideas to strengthen your relationship. What is your most valuable take-away from the four weeks we’ve studied The Vow? What can you do to take the next steps in that area? Talk it over with your spouse and see what you come up with. Perhaps you’ll…
• Buy a book about marriage and read it together
• Add calendar reminders to prompt you to pursue your spouse
• Start Christian counseling, individually or as a couple
• Set aside time each day to pray together
Investing in your marriage means you’ll be intentional as you move forward in your relationship. Steer clear of autopilot. Practice the vows. And enjoy the gift God has given you in your spouse!